Sometimes my actions defy logic.
Any man reading this would probably attribute that statement to the absence of a Y chromosome. Ha!
Given that I’m a linear thinker who relies on logic to make decisions, allocate time and [try to] parent my children, ignoring logic seems foolish. And it usually is. I’ve recently been studying Gideon’s story in the book of Judges. This meek man’s time as God’s chosen warrior depicts beautifully that His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). It has caused me to re-examine the areas of weakness in my life, temperament and faith. I didn’t have to look far to find the most glaring of weaknesses: my need for control.
This weakness rears its ugly head just about everywhere. In fact, I don’t think it ever puts its head down. Ick.
- When my child struggles academically or emotionally, I rally the resources to shore up the problem. I email the teachers and call the counselors. I hover until I think things are back on the right track.
- If my husband’s job has rumors of reorganization or relocation, I immediately begin to house-hunt online. I want to “be prepared” if we need to go without a paycheck or sell the house.
- When faced with a health challenge, I research the issue ad nauseum in an effort to fend off the worst case scenario (which is, of course, the only one I can imagine as a pessimist.)
My heightened awareness of such a deep need for control revealed a different problem.
A gap in my faith. My need for control illuminates a fundamental disconnect between what I say I believe–what I give intellectual asset to–and what my heart apparently hasn’t yet fully embraced.
You see, if I truly believe that God is sovereign, then I have no need for control. If I know my Lord is on His throne… and know it deep in my bones… then why would I try to get my grubby mitts all over every perceived problem that crops up? My behavior reveals my lack of belief.
When I find myself clambering for control, as evidenced by a flurry of internet research or lengthy emails, I plan to take the following steps. You have permission to hold me accountable (and to use them, too, I hope):
- Pray. Pausing to acknowledge that God in control, and to relinquish my own false sense of control, is imperative.
- Write down my concern and place it in my Bible as a tangible reminder that I’ve entrusted it to Him.
- Sleuth out Biblical examples of those who’ve dealt with uncertainty in a faithful way so I can emulate them.
I’m so grateful God doesn’t expect perfection of me… that He is patient and tenderly brings me along in my faith, showing me where I need to grow.
He will do the same for you, my friend. Will you let Him?
If you can relate to this post, you’d benefit from a Bible study I’ve recently written with musician Julie Turner. Boiseans can participate in a pilot group beginning on 4/1. Click here for more details or register by following this link.